Perfect Match Couple Counseling


Why the Most Needed Skills on a Date Are Sometimes Not the Sexiest Ones

Some people look for other qualities on a date than just looking sexy. Others prefer
seeing another aspect of a person than just their physical appearance.

And sometimes your date has seen it all, so they want to see something more than
just that. They want to see beyond what the eyes can. They want something

So, let’s find out why sometimes the most beneficial skills or qualities on a date
aren’t always the sexiest:

1. Showing personal interest tells how interested you are. Remember you are
with someone, not yourself, so avoid talking about yourself throughout. Take a
personal interest in the other person, ask questions, and listen with interest.

  • We deem people who make everything about themselves arrogant and
    boring. Everyone loves to feel needed and important, so putting in the
    effort to show your date that they are in high regard and valued may
    secure you a second date.

2. Being yourself is beautiful. Faking your identity is the last thing you want to do
on a date. Faking to impress is a wrong move many people make. Who doesn’t
love someone who is not afraid to be themselves un-apologetically?

  • We admire people who aren’t afraid to own up to their strengths and
    flaws with their heads high. Be yourself, show who you are, and you will
    find your person. 
  • Make the other person on the date feel comfortable to be themselves as well!

3. Having fun creates a relaxed environment. Going on a date is to get to know
each other and have fun. Don’t unnecessarily pressure yourself to be perfect or
have a perfect date. Go to enjoy the day and make the best out of it.

  • Avoid focusing on rushing into a relationship. A first date isn’t to decide if
    you want to marry this person, but hopefully go on another date.

4. Sincere compliments show attentiveness, not flatter. Both gentlemen and
ladies appreciate a genuine compliment, not mere flattery, to gain their
attention. Give compliments when relevant or needed, not unnecessary
flattery that will make the other feel uncomfortable and cringe.

  • A simple “you look great” or “beautiful” or “handsome” is fine. Still, you
    might want to compliment something other than their physical
    appearance, like or their great taste in music, intelligence, or laughter.

5. Dressing appropriately for the occasion shows how you feel. Dressing
appropriately for the occasion shows how important it is to you. Dressing
inappropriately can create the impression that you do not care about the date
or the person you are meeting.

  • Take the time to ensure that you look your best. Wear clothes that fit
    well and enhance your natural, good qualities. Be clean, well-groomed,
    and smile!
  • Think about the setting and dress code of the location—no need to
    overdress for a coffee date or underdress for a dinner date. Just make
    sure it is appropriate.

Remember, some skills are admirable but aren’t sexy. So ask yourself, “Will I give
those skills or qualities a chance?” Allow yourself to see other qualities, sexy or not,
and open doors to beautiful relationships you will cherish.


       *DISCLAIMER: This is general advice and not directed at any specific situation.


Sue Resnik of Perfect Match Couple Counseling


Susan Resnik is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Certified SYMBIS Facilitator who specializes in couple counseling. After all, She’s been in the mental health counseling field for 25 years and has won multiple awards on her counseling excellence.

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