Have you had an open discussion with your partner about important life questions?
Their answers can teach you more about your partner and their dreams and goals.
Even better, these discussions can help you clarify your own desires and determine if you each want the same things out of life.
What if you don’t want the same things? Are your goals compatible? Maybe you can resolve the differences so you’re both working toward a future together that will make both of you feel happy and fulfilled.
Before you make a commitment, it’s important to discuss these topics:
- Urban vs Rural
Living preferences will have a major impact on your future. Does your partner dream of living in a rural area and owning a farm? Or do they wish for a life in a big city with a penthouse?
- If you prefer urban areas, and your partner prefers rural ones, or vice versa, start looking for compromises. Perhaps something in the suburbs would work.
- Living preferences can’t be ignored, because they can lead to arguments and strain in your relationship. Without a resolution that works for both of you, someone is likely to be unhappy.
2. Religion
How religious is your partner? Is religion a large part of their life and dominates their decisions? You may not be comfortable discussing religion, but it’s important to talk about it.
- What if you have children? Which religious beliefs do you want to raise them with?
- Unresolved religious issues can lead to many arguments later in the relationship if they’re not addressed in the beginning. You may discover that you have opposite views that can tear apart your relationship.
3. Children
Does your partner want children? How many?
- Questions about children are important to discuss because they can affect your entire relationship.
- For example, if one partner wants a child and the other doesn’t then surprise pregnancies can be a serious challenge.
4. Finances
Who will be in charge of finances in the household? Does your partner expect you to take over and pay all the bills?
- Finance questions can help you determine how you’ll run the household after you’ve made a commitment to each other. These questions can help you figure out a budget and schedule.
- Also, be sure to discuss your debt during these conversations. It’s important that you’re both aware of the debt you each carry. Debt levels and credit scores will affect both of you if you get married.
5. Cooking
Which one of you will handle the cooking and meal preparation, or will you split the duties?
- What about grocery shopping and budgeting? Do you love coupons, but your partner hates to use them? How will you handle shopping with coupons? How will you save money on groceries?
- Conversations about cooking are also an opportunity to discuss food allergies. For example, if you’re allergic to items such as sesame seeds, then it’s important that your partner is aware of this and doesn’t cook with them.
6. Chores
Who will do the vacuuming and dusting? Will you take over and clean every room? Will your partner split the chores with you? How will you handle messes if one of you is a perfectionist and hates clutter?
- A solution that works for many couples is to create a chore schedule and keep track of it.
These questions are all important topics that can affect your daily lives and relationship. Discussing them and resolving differences before you make a commitment will put you on a path for a bright future together.
*DISCLAIMER: This is general advice and not directed at any specific situation.
SUSAN RESNIK, M.Ed, LMHC
Susan Resnik is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Certified SYMBIS Facilitator who specializes in couple counseling. She’s been in the mental health counseling field for 25 years and has won multiple awards on her counseling excellence.