Gary Chapman wrote the book The 5 Love Languages. In this book, Chapman suggests that each person has a specific way in which he or she gets his or her emotional needs met.

Most people have a primary and secondary love language (preference). Learning to speak their language can shift how you relate to each other. We often mistakenly believe that our partner/spouse speaks the same language we do, and try to meet his/her needs using our language. This results in frustration and disappointment.

The 5 Love Languages are:

Words of Affirmation

Verbal appreciation speaks powerfully to persons whose primary Love Language is “Words of Affirmation.” Words of encouragement easily translate into love and support.

Quality Time
Many partners/spouses feel most loved when they spend physical time together, doing activities that they love to do. Spending uninterrupted time together will bring a couple closer, and in the years to come, will fill up the emotional bank account.

Receiving Gifts
Some partners/spouses respond well to visual symbols of love. If you speak this love language, you are more likely to treasure any gift as an expression of love and devotion. People who speak this love language often feel that a lack of gifts represents a lack of love from their partner/spouse.

Acts of Service
Sometimes simple chores around the house can be an undeniable expression of love. Even simple things like laundry and taking out the trash require some form of planning, time, effort, and energy. Very often, both partners in a couple will speak to the “Acts of Service Language.” However, it is very important to understand what acts of service your partner/spouse most appreciates.

Physical Touch
Many partners/spouses feel the most loved when they receive physical contact. For a partner/spouse who speaks this love language loudly, physical touch can make or break the relationship. Learn your partner’s/spouse’s “dialect” by finding his or her favorite acts of touch, whether it is hugging, kissing, holding hands, or lovemaking, and initiate it often.

1. Read these together with your partner/spouse.
2. Make note of which language is your primary and secondary love language.
3. Make note of which language you believe to be your partner’s/spouse’s love languages.
4. Discuss your love languages. Discuss which language you believed to be your partner’s/spouse’s.
5. Talk about specific ways that your partner/spouse can meet your needs using your love languages.