Perfect Match Couple Counseling

Couple Conflict Resolution ACTION PLAN

Follow these steps to address conflict or problems with your partner/spouse. A bit of planning and preparation is recommended. Remember that you are looking for a win-win solution.


  • Schedule a time when both of you are free of distractions, alert and fully
  • Prepare for the discussion by making a note with bullet points you want to
  • Enter the conversation with the attitude that you are looking for a win-win
  • Agree that you will both use ‘I’ messages and active listening – make a cheat sheet, if
  • Agree on ground rules, if one person begins to escalate, she or he will call a time out and return 30 minutes to 24 hours later to resume the discussion.


  • Decide who will speak first and who will be the Agree that the listener will not interrupt or respond to comments – only paraphrase what she or he hears (for now). The listener may ask for clarification, if needed. (Did you say…?)
  • Take turns defining the problem for each
  • Take turns discussing the things you must have to resolve the conflict
  • When both of you feel understood, take turns talking about any areas of flexibility – negotiate by offering and accepting
  • Make a list of possible outcomes and
  • Discuss these possibilities until you agree on a solution to Set a date to evaluate the success of that solution, and tweak as necessary.

       *DISCLAIMER: This is general advice and not directed at any specific situation.


Sue Resnik of Perfect Match Couple Counseling


Susan Resnik is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Certified SYMBIS Facilitator who specializes in couple counseling. She’s been in the mental health counseling field for 25 years and has won multiple awards on her counseling excellence.

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